“There is no way to repress pleasure and expect liberation, satisfaction, or joy.”― Adrienne Maree Brown, Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good
We deserve joy, pleasure, gifts and rest. Give yourself the gift of good boundaries, hydration, and optimal self-care this holiday season by checking out this community-crafted list of suggestions for how to navigate spending the holidays with people who may not “get it.”
Wrong Answers Only (jokes, absolute unhinged answers, the things we wish we could do but can’t).
“I’m done being the better person. We can BOTH go to hell”
Dole out an open-handed slap to that bigoted relative you’re forced to see once a year
Bring a squirt bottle and spray anyone who misgenders you
Tell them you love their gender neutral bathroom
Bail. Don’t show up in the first place. Completely ghost your family. Do something you want to do instead. Facetime them from your exciting new location.
Create a curated list of backhanded compliments to respond with when you get passive aggressive comments
Whenever someone misgenders or uses an incorrect name for you, assume it's a “free for all” and misgender and use the incorrect name for everyone.
Hook your phone up to a bluetooth speaker and blast the most obnoxious song you can think of (Baby Shark would be a solid recommendation) whenever someone tries to talk about politics
Sound Advice from Queer and Trans Folks
Recognize your needs and prioritize your safety
Drink some water. (When is that not good advice?)
Identify a reliable individual (or small network of people) you can contact when things are stressful or you need to vent
Plan your boundaries in advance, and remember that a boundary is about how you will respond when they cross the line
If available, establish an accomplice for family functions, like a cousin or sibling you can signal to when you need help navigating a situation or need a topic change
Maintain community whenever and however you can - video chat with chosen family, host facetime dinner parties, stream movies on Discord, or plan an in-person meet-up
You deserve respect and care, and it is okay to be upset, confused, angry, tired, or overwhelmed in response to being treated poorly or unsupported
Make plans ahead of time to do things that will give you peace of mind - find that podcast, video game, or book that feels like a deep breath
Schedule a therapy session for before to prep and after to process (if financially able to)
Document what helps you through rough patches during the holidays or other stressful moments so you can refer to them in the future
Take care of yourself and lean into professional resources if things feel too dark and heavy to handle. Check out Trans Lifeline or The Trevor Project for direct support services including hotlines to talk with a trained peer.